(Photo artwork by Sonya Shannon)
Parting the Mists
Over the last few weeks, I have been reflecting on the bitter sweet experiences that filled the last few months. It has been a busy summer and I can’t believe is coming to a close. There were a lot of laughs, adventures, and there were tears. At times, it has been a lot to process. At times, it has been overwhelming. Being on the spiritual path, I tend to turn inward during times like these. I need to find a pretty spot in nature to sit and meditate. Always with my journal, I can retreat into a place that is safe. It is where I can sometimes coax my heart to gently reveal itself and allow the difficult feelings and emotions to surface. Being vulnerable is not easy. It may not be pretty. But these raw and tender pieces of me deserve to be seen, nurtured, and healed. All of our tender hearts deserve this. We all need to be seen with the delicate beauty of love and healing. We just need to give ourselves a chance to see the beauty in our darkness.
In early August, when I began to reflect on my experiences, I woke up from a dream and wrote this in response to a meditation I had before I went to bed:
“Slowly, gently, the mists begin to separate. It is where you discover truth from illusion, fact from fiction, and love from fear. It is understanding your heart. It is honoring your soul. It is allowing grace into your life and feeling your natural rhythm and flow. It is a natural magic that that shines from within. Once you breathe in this sacred breath, you feel this energy around you. You know the magic is you.”
At the time, I wasn’t really sure what it all meant. So, I dog eared the page in my journal, and continued on my way. I trusted the voice within that it will be understood when the time is right.
As the days went by, I noticed common themes when I was talking with people. We are all trying to understand who and what we are. Sometimes we try avoiding what we need to do by wishing we were invisible rather than accepting the situation or even ourselves. How handy would it be to have an invisibility cloak to wrap ourselves in from time to time? That is what got me thinking…
Through my life, as I am sure we all have done at least once, I would attempt to hide myself in plain sight. I would rather obscure myself and fade away so I wouldn’t be recognized as someone who may have the correct answer or solution. I did not want to be seen. I would dim my light, so to speak, to give others the ability to shine brighter, or so I thought. In order to achieve that, I would create a mist around myself to hide. It gave me comfort in a way to camouflage my heart that was hurting. If I wasn’t visible to those in my life or if I had a happy smile on my face, you would not be able to see the pain that echoed within. I lived within illusion. I lived within fear. I lived within a fantasy where I wore a mask in order for my heart to hide among the shadows… only to be revealed to those who I could trust. That was a very short list.
That was when I began to understand that message I woke up to write in my journal. The mist that is beginning to separate is the releasing of what we no longer need to carry. We begin to understand who we are when we listen to ourselves by accepting and honoring our emotions. We are the ones to nurture our soul. We need to give ourselves what we so desperately need. In return, we can open up our hearts to who we truly are. As difficult as it can be, our dark side, our shadow self, is the place where we grow the most. We feel sadness, hurt, and even anger for a reason. We experience physical pain when it is time to surrender what no longer serves who we are. Slowly, gently, we find a safe place when we are ready to look deep into the shadows. We look into the mirror with honest eyes and an open and loving heart. It is where we can distinguish our truth from what others or even ourselves had said or done in the past. We chose to retreat out of fear and maybe even survival. When we listen to our inner voice in the silence of our safe place, we begin to know peace and truth. We begin to recognize what does not elevate us to our highest and best good.It allows grace into our lives. We begin to remember that we are divine love. We are part of Spirit. We are of the Goddess. We can understand that we are the magic that we have been longing for.
Moving forward and working through my ‘stuff’ like most of us on this journey, I began to understand the roll I had played in my life. As hard as it can be at times, I now look to my shadow self to heal my heart, to understand this roller coaster we can sometimes be strapped into. It’s not easy, but that is the beauty of it. Through difficult times we learn who we are. It is how we handle situations. It is how we respond to circumstances rather than reacting out of emotion and without thought and wisdom. Of course, we are all human. We do and say things that we wish we could take back. We cannot have a “re-do” like we were able to in the school yard. The difference is however, what we learn from those knee jerk reactions and in our dark hours. What are we willing to choose in order to move forward? How can we do better next time if we are faced with a similar situation? Are we learning from our mistakes? Are we honoring our truth by how we respond? Only time and reflection can give us the real answers. Sometimes we may never understand them. We just need to trust in our path, knowing that we are never alone. Goddess and Spirit will always be there walking with us.
So as I continue to walk on this path, I am grateful. I welcome the warmth of the sun and the light that shines to guide me. I also welcome the mist that will continue to clear around and within me. It helps to uncover the tender parts, the pieces of my soul. I ask that it will remind me of where I came from, of who I am, and what I will be. May you find the beauty and grace within your shadow self as well.
Blessed Be.
