As the chill deepens and the days grow darker, we can feel the winds of
change blowing. So many things have come to pass now, we can feel the
weight on our minds and hearts. With the election finally over, I hoped we
could exhale and gain some relief. However, we have opened another door to
uncertainty. It is as if Pandora opened another box, unleashing the screaming
shadows of society, forcing us all to take a look into the mirror. As the
shadows stretch through the fading light, fear creeps into our daily thoughts
of the future, not knowing what it holds. So much fear and anger is feeding
off of the unknown. If we allow it, we can easily be caught up in the firestorm
of panic. This accomplishes nothing. It only keeps us locked in a cell of
frustration and even desperation. A cycle of fear only breeds more panic and
fear and that is something I so passionately want to break.
I was able to retreat into the mountains for a few days with my husband.
It is one of the places where I can easily unwind. Beautiful mountains, clean,
crisp air, a roaring fire, quiet moments, and no regular cell service, is a
perfect recipe for a spiritual and emotional reset. It was a welcomed one too.
I was drained. Overworked and overtired, I couldn’t think clearly. Emotionally,
I was spent. This trip was my glimmer of hope to recharge. What I received,
was more than I ever expected.
One morning just before sunrise, I woke up and felt the call to meditate in
front of the window. Wrapping myself up in a blanket, the mixture of the
chilly mountain morning air through a small opening in the window mixed
with the warmth of the fire offered a comforting sensation. The silhouette of
the White Mountains called from the horizon as the clouds underlined in pink
stretched across the sky. It was with a deep breath I let go of the remaining
thoughts, cares, and worries. I was finally finding my way back to center. It
was a reconnection that I happily welcomed. With another deep breath, I fell
deeper into myself. There, waiting for me was the ancient Goddess, The
Cailleach.
“Welcome back, Child. It has been quite some time since you have let go of
noise in your heart and mind. Why have you been holding onto it so tightly?
Why is it that you are fighting the peace you so desperately crave?”
She was right. I had been holding onto shadows that I thought I had let go
of. Wounds from the past I thought had been released and healed haunted
me. I had been swept up in the furor of the election, and tumbled down the
hill with flashes of ghosts past and the pain they revealed. The sexism, the
degradation, the dominance, the bullying all swirled around me like a
tornado that pulled away my sense of security. I was left with the raw
emotion, the hurt, and the anger. I wore it as battle armor and wasn’t sure
how to let go.
With her piercing eyes, the Cailleach looked right into my soul. Her words
of wisdom flowed effortlessly from her heart to mine, “To understand your
heart, you must fall into the depths of your soul. Trust it. The key to
understand your depths is you. You must unlock the door to your shadow and
your light. Dig deeper into them… look into the fear, the anger, the sorrow
and burn it all away. Transmute it. Born beneath the heights of the
mountains, is the solid foundation we offer you. Feel it. Merge with it. Like
the iron ore that that melts to form hardened steel, you will rise. Strong.
Tempered. Unbreakable. Forge your way in your truth. Feel the weight of
support I offer you within the quite confidence of the mountains. Nothing that
comes our way can shake us. Feel the crisp morning air sting with truth as
the oak leaves swirl around you. We are the voices holding the secrets of the
Ancients. Let us join you in support. Fly with us on Raven’s wing. Rise above
in dawn’s morning light. We rise. We rise. We rise.”
It was at that exact moment, the sun rose over the mountain ridge and
burst through the window, pulling me from my meditation. With tears in my
eyes, I felt the power, love, and wisdom of the Cailleach with me in my room.
I felt so grounded, refreshed, centered, and connected. With love and
gratitude in my heart, I thanked her. I knew deep within that our meeting
would continue as we hiked up one of the mountains… and she was there
waiting for us when we arrived.
There was something different in the air that morning. I had never been to
this particular mountain, but it was more than the new trail that lay before
me. I felt so small among the towering trees. I felt my roots deepen as my
spirit soared. I felt my energy connect and entwine with the pulse of the
woods. It was electric. Every cell in my body was aware of this ancient
presence. With each step I took, I felt the sacredness embrace me… this was
familiar. I stopped in my tracks and closed my eyes. I welcomed a deep breath
that filled my entire body as I raised my hands to the sky. At that
moment as I exhaled, a giant gust of chilly November air roared all around
me. The piles of fallen leaves leaped into the air and swirled with their new
found life. That was when I felt her with me. The Goddess of Winter, the
Mother of Mountains, The Cailleach was with me.
Waves of energy moved through me. I felt my body fortify with the
assurance that I am not alone. The overwhelming feelings that once
consumed me were slipping away as I felt my spirit transition into that
unspoken knowing that all will be alright, “I am here. I am always here. As
you move and make your way up the path, feel me. Feel the flow of
protective and supportive energy beneath your feet. Feel the strength of the
mountains… Feel our mighty foundation. Allow us to show you how to be
grounded and clear in your focus. Look to our self-reliant spirit. Observe our
ability to allow the wind and weather to rage as we stand tall, unwavering no
matter what comes our way. We are impartial and independent. We will not
quiver or cower to the rise of storms. We are our own. We offer you these
lessons. Connect with us. Learn from us and you too, will be steadfast in your
spirit as you rise about the chaos that rules the day.”
The messages moved through me as we made our way to the top. With
each step, I felt the Cailleach’s wisdom in my heart and mountain’s support
within my roots. The lessons learned will be with me always as I integrate
them in my life. To be centered once again is such a gift.
On our way back down to the car, I felt a silence take over me. Maybe it
was part of the mountain’s quiet and reassuring support. Maybe it was the
fortification of strength and confidence wrapped in the clear focus gained by
the Cailleach. I like to think that it is a mixture of both. Of course, adding the
knowledge that we will all be okay, especially if we take the lessons and
messages from the Cailleach and the mountains to heart and in our everyday
life.
On the way home, I was mostly quiet too. Allowing my mind to wander in
the direction of what my next steps will be, many things moved through my
mind. So many shadows of my own have been kicked up over the last year.
Fear, insecurity, and anger have been the topics of so many conversations
that gripped us all. This weekend gave me the chance to put it all in its place
so I was able to regain my focus. I felt voiceless, powerless, and afraid of
what would come next. Although what my next step will be isn’t really clear
yet, I know I will be moving towards my goal. I don’t need to have an answer
right away, but I know one will come.
Please, let me leave you with this… We are living in interesting times. We
have an opportunity as citizens of a global community to create the change
we desire. Nothing in life is ever guaranteed. Nothing is ever easy, especially
if it is worth the fight for the good of all. We must use our talents, our gifts,
our voice to rise up and join others who offer their hearts and their light to
create a world of dignity and hope. Yes, the path can be hidden and the way
uncertain or unclear, but that is where we must take the message and the
lessons the Cailleach and the mountains offer us. We must rise to the
occasion and be the strength that we need, that so many others need. We
must stand tall, our faith unwavering. We must be committed in our truth.
We must raise our voice for the common good and for so many that are
silenced. Like the vigilant mountains, we must not get caught up in the
drama and the fear. Chaos will not rule us. We will be calm. We will be clear.
We will be thoughtful and take an objective role with our decision making. We
are one part of a national whole and we are working towards understanding
and compassion for all. Take the time you need. Listen to what your heart is
telling you. Look for ways to incorporate these messages of wisdom. They
are there for you because we need you. We need your heart, your light, and
your brilliant mind. We are strong when we rise together and lift each other
up for the good of all.
The winds of change are blowing. Are you ready?
